How To Make Kitty Litter Out of Discarded Manga (From Exile Osaka #4)

Manga are big fat comics (duh!*) the size of telephone books that come out weekly and are read by millions of people. Weekly manga such as Jump and Sunday Shonen Comics are printed on newsprint and are quickly disposed of after a quick read on the train or after dinner. Fan boys in Japan for the first time are often shocked to find that the same comics they paid $10 to read every week at the import collector store can be picked out of garbage cans for nothing at the train station. I discovered a new use for discarded manga by accident. My cat had to take a piss like you wouldn’t believe but I had run out of kitty litter. I grabbed the latest copy of Jump and started ripping pages out to use as a substitute. To my surprise, the manga absorbed my cat’s urine much better than the leading brand of kitty litter and there was no mess afterward. I figured what the hell, from now on I’ll use manga all the time and since kitty litter sells for $5 a bag, it has saved me a considerable amount of cash. It’s easy to obtain discarded manga. Simply wait until the newspaper and magazine recycling day. People tie up their manga in bundles and a truck comes around to collect them. Just get up early and pluck a couple of bundles off the street. You’ll have enough kitty litter for two weeks. I have developed a fail safe method to ensure your cat’s ultimate satisfaction. Follow these easy instructions:

1. Pick up a stack of manga from the street.


2. Rip the glossy covers off the manga and place them flat down in the litter box. You are now lining the litter box to ensure an easy clean up.


3. Rip off about 30 pages from the manga and tear them into thin strips. Place the paper strips in the litter box and make sure that there is enough paper inside for your cat to bury a large load.


4. Place your cat in the litter box. If it takes a dump or a squirt (see photo below) you can take pride in your recycling efforts. If your cat refuses to do its business right away then add a little more paper. Do not stare at your cat. Cat’s have feelings, too. How would you feel if someone made goo-goo eyes at you while you were on the can?


I have this photo in color somewhere. My cat Whitestock (RIP) modeled for this article.

*Message from my 2014 self to my 1995 self: “Nice explanation, idiot!”


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